i'm exploding in spirals, my equilibrium's spinning

"There are days when I know I should go out and talk with people and see what is happening- after all, it might be the day that some great event happens and I would miss it. But some days I just cannot muster the energy to be friendly, attentive, and inquisitive. Today was one of those days."
--Shayrn Graham Davies

I'm feeling pretty scattered today and I don't exactly know why. But then I never really know why I think or do anything, I just go. I woke up, walked through the rain to my classes, nothing unusual. Focusing is proving difficult and nothing's really going on in my head. There's nothing I'm dying to express at the moment, just a couple things that I love. Sunflower seeds, benches, and clouds.

Sunflower seeds are an anomaly in my life. The first couple handfuls are exactly what my taste buds want but the nonstop stream of cracking open shells soon creates a war zone in my mouth. The salt makes my lips incredibly raw but whatever. It doesn't matter what I'm doing when I start eating sunflower seeds they're all I can focus on. I can't escape them, I can't stop eating them. It's always been a love-hate relationship. I first tried sunflower seeds when I was eleven, I was hooked ever since. When I say it like that it wounds like a serious addiction. I would definitely consider it to be one. My dad used to eat them when we're go on road trips. He used to say the routine of eating them kept him awake while he was driving. I haven't seen him eat them in years. My mom still eat lots of them. She only buys David's so I've developed an intense prejudice against other brands. I still can't figure out when they're so addicting.

Even though they're made out of materials that look extremely uncomfortable, benches are one of the coziest things I sit on. There's just something so inviting about seeing a bench next to a sidewalk or in park or down by a pond. It's like if you sit on one, time just stops and you don't have a care in the world. All you can think about doing is sitting on that bench and enjoying the sunshine. I try to sit on a bench at least once a day. I get so annoyed with the cold weather just because it prevents me from doing this. I spend a large part of daylight hours on those pieces of wood and metal, happy as a clam. The benches on my campus are some of the most lovely benches for an array of activities. There set up so strategically, They're so perfect for people watching and listening to others' conversations from neighboring benches and being immensely entertained. I've slept on them, read books on them, smoked an obscene amount of cigarettes on them, everything. Nothing seems inadequate or sad on a bench. Everything is lovely.

On to the last important topic, clouds. My only dream is to live in the sky and while I know this dream is virtually unattainable, I try to hang out with the sky whenever possible. The sky is going to need it's own blog post very soon because it is so magical but right now I want to think about clouds. I love stars and airplanes and the moon but clouds are my favorite sky accessory. Wouldn't t be so nice to lay in a cloud and wrap yourself up in the fluff? There would be nothing better than sitting on one while it floating around past towns and buildings and fields. What a nice thought. Whenever I'm outside I tend to find myself daydreaming about that. It would be my nirvana.

Well virtual world, I've been in the library for over an hour now and the only thing I've completed is this post. I must be off to do other, more boring things. Just one more thing, keep the last thought in mind. It helps.